The Morissette Principle

I've had many people ask me what it is like to spend Christmas in Dubai. The easy answer is that it is a lot like Florida: sun, sand and people in warm-weather clothing smugly having telephone conversations with relatives who are eye-deep in wool sweaters.

This will be our second Christmas abroad. I left the States just over a year ago in November, which meant that the holly jolly feeling was being injected into my soul for a good long time before I left. In case you're wondering, the FaLaLattes, Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" and even Linda Werthhimer's recipe for cranberry whatever on NPR--all of these cultural wonders take a while to get out of your system. Call it the "Christmas Hangover" effect, if you like.

In any case, this year it has been a little harder for me to get in the spirit. The malls are crazy-busy with Santa, bears playing musical instruments and walking gingerbread men, and you can buy poinsettias at the grocery store (for the same price as a full tank of gas, btw). But the feeling behind December should not be "Geez, I need some shade because I'm starting to get pink."

To get over this, I headed to the nearest mall last night to immerse myself in holiday cheer. Bas was off on a desert safari with some friends (read my original post on why I did not accompany him) so it was perfect. It really did the trick: I was giddy with delight at finding a couple of perfect presents. And there's something about a fake Christmas tree the size of a building blinking on and off with electric blue lights that lends a sense of gravity to the situation.

Anyway, presents in hand I head to the hypermarket to get some wrapping paper. This place is like WalMart or Target except a lot cheaper and with much stranger things. They do have a huge Christmas area, though, so it seemed perfect. And they had all sorts of artificial trees, truck loads of twinkling lights and glittering piles of boxed ornaments. Dotting the end of each aisle I found cardboard boxes filled with wrapping paper, each box with a different pattern. Exactly what I needed! I grabbed a few and then realized I needed bows. Of course. Because a bow goes on a present. Right? Just like a real Christmas tree requires a tree stand.

And here is when it hit me, standing in the middle of HyperPanda: Christmas in Dubai is like living inside of an Alanis Morissette song. When she says "Its like ten thousand spoons/when all you need is a knife," I really get that now. I was surrounded by absolutely everything one needs to create Christmas: massive felt stockings with fuzzy Santas, reindeer antlers to be worn by children or drunken guests, cheap imitation Barbie doll accessories that will break in about an hour. Everything, my friends, except bows.

Lest you think I am being dramatic, I have yet another example. Last year we were all set to have a real Christmas tree. Bas even had it in the car until we realized we needed a tree stand. He put it back and we spent the next few weeks scouring the city looking for a stupid stand. Our logic was simple: find a place selling trees (his came from work) and there ye shall also find a tree stand. But no one (including the grocery store, Ikea or Ace Hardware) had a stand. Matter of fact, they looked at us as though we had sprouted two heads. Why sell both when only the tree is what you need?

I promise not to give this realization a name (though I have hopes that the "Morissette Principle" would find a home with Murphy's Law in popular usage) but in a strange way I feel better now that I have a way of explaining it--both to you and to myself. Despite the Starbucks downstairs and the Borders at Mall of the Emirates, even a year into this expat life I'm still grappling with the realization that I can't just superimpose my reality on top of another one.

But that's not all bad. Since we couldn't find a tree stand last year we ended up with the little guy you see at the top of this post. Truth be told, it reminds me of the fake Xmas trees in Charlie Brown. But it fits our place (and us!) really nicely.